The day after tomorrow

Lucca (Italy), night

Wow...it is weird to think that after tomorrow I will move to another place and another life...and start everything again....I am getting a bit worried...I have mixed feelings about it....just a day after tomorrow....not that long........

But tomorrow...Sex and the City...the movie, finally!

Yesterday

Lucca (Italy), morning

A few more days (2) and I will move to France. I don't have too much stuff, but I feel like I would like to bring the entire house with me, including my mum and Camilla. They wouldn't need to live in my small room with me, but it would be nice to have them with me. I guess I will not see my best friend before to leave. She is still upset because I don't want to go to watch the movie Sex and the City with her and her boyfriend (it is not because of her, see one of my previous blogs if you want to know more about the story).
Yesterday my sister tried some possible make up for the day of her wedding. Here below a picture...the make up on her eyes is different between the two eyes.


With these colors it seems that one eye is longer and the other one larger...it is weird...
Yesterday I also had an interesting conversation with the olandesino. He is away for a job interview for a work for biologists, but something different from the University research. We talked a bit of the advantages and disadvantages of being in an University environment....the freedom (of time, of being your own boss more or less, also of possible things to work on most of the times) is for sure one of the most valuable vantages...

stability

Lucca (Italy), morning

I am not sure for which reason it seems that when someone has to complain about something, this person comes to me. Maybe I should feel in some way proud of this...But I am not necessarily always happy about it. Sometimes it would be nice if someone would ask me how I am doing and not stopping to listen to me after a few minutes I talk. Am I that boring? maybe....

Nothing, this morning I am here at the computer, still doing this stupid plots for this even more stupid project on which I am forced to work and which it is a big source of frustration for me. One day it will end, and then I will hopefully see the light. I feel really lonely. It would be nice to know that I can hide in someone's arms when I need, it would be nice to know that I can plan something nice with someone, a holidays, something....At this stage of life friends are not necessarily there for you when you need, too busy with their things and their families. As they are not there when you want to plan something and do something with them. They have other priorities...and so, as I am going to move again and everything will start again, this loneliness feeling some day gets even stronger.....moving is nice, traveling, seeing new places...but I also need some stability...probably more than anything else now I need some emotional stability, at least to deal with the fact that my life is always moving around the world.....
I was thinking about who will be with me on my birthday. I know I can count on my mum, but in the last years, due also to the bad timing of my birthday, I always spent it with her...it would be nice to know that together with my mum, I could also have the chance to have my sister, my friends, maybe a boyfriend with me for my birthday....but even this due to my life style seems too much to ask....
My life stile gives me a lot, but it takes also a lot from me. And some day it is more difficult to deal with that....

I forgot

Lucca (Italy), morning

I forgot to add something to my previous blog...beside my feeling about having kids on my own...if I will became hunt soon I think I would get crazy happy! I would love that. Of course, I would find the kid boring anyway before he/she gets around 3 years old....but for the rest, it would be great!!!

kids and places

Italy, morning

I am not thinking of getting pregnant. This is not what this blog is about. For that, I am not even sure what my position is. I like to interact with kids, but not that much when they are younger than 2 years old. I can't get enthusiastic about the idea of having to take care so much about somebody, to have someone who needs me even for basic needs....I am probably too egotistic for that. I probably like my spaces too much. On the other hand, once a kid is a bit older, let's say starting from 3 on, it is actually nice to interact with him/her. Now that my friends' kids are around that age or older, I enjoy to spend time with them, especially if they are curious about the world. I guess that my rejection for kids younger than 3 is also due to their parents' behavior. I have some problem when I see people completely changing their behavior because they got kids and not have anything else to talk about beside kids...I think I am really too independent with my space, time and things I like.........

So, in principle I am not against having kids and I consider the option that I may have one kid or more in the future, but for sure that should happen when my life is in a different place than now. Beside this, since Scott recently became uncle and he just spent his week end with his nephew, yesterday we briefly talked about places where to grow up kids. And I said that considering the few places that I got to know well in the USA, I wouldn't like my kids to grow up in those places. Probably I was born in a place which is ideal for kids and old people. I walked to my primary and secondary school, I biked to the high school. I was able to spend a lot of time outside, in the garden of some friend, walking or running around free. Of course, now things are changing and things are not so ideal here too, but I still see my friends biking around with their kids on their bikes. And even if also here now there is this strong "group"trend, based on which to feel accepted you have to belong to a group, thus look as much as possible all the same, I don't feel that it is already so strong as in the USA. I would like a place where kids could feel safe, where they can walk, run or bike around without too much fear, where they learn to appreciate simple things, where you don't need to go to a mall to do shopping, where you can grow up with your friends and still have them when you get older. Probably the West Coast of the USA is good for kids too. I don't want to say that USA is bad for kids, but I don't think that New Haven or New York are places for kids. Scott said that the place where he grew up it was lovely and he was always playing outside freely, but now it is changing there too. Maybe the more we go on with time, the more difficult will be to find these simple places where kids could have a simple, light life as they should have.
For sure something that I would like my kids (if I will have them) to have is the support of the family around them. I grew up with my grandparents around and even with my great grandmother. It was wonderful. My parents could work, and I would stay anyway with some member of my family telling me stories about their past. It was really wonderful. I had a true happy youth.

Your song

Lucca (Italy), afternoon

Just thinking of how many things we don't appreciate enough when they happen. I am listening to "Your song" of E. John and a lot of memories came back to my mind. And I think of how sad it is when you realize that the past is gone, that things have changed and not always for better and you have to learn to deal with them as they are now. It is just sad. Why can't I learn something from the past? why can't I learn to not waste time in my life and appreciate more things when they happen?

a friend and sex and the city

Lucca (Italy), morning

Take my best friend, or at least the person I consider to be my best friend. Take that on saturday next week I will move to France for more than a year at least. Take that on friday there is the first of the movie of Sex and the City. Take also that my best friend and I are both addicted to that serial and looking forward to the movie. The obvious straightforward thing for me would have been to spend our friday evening together and go to watch the movie. Just me and her. Like a thing just for us before my departure. Instead, no. Her boyfriend said that he has to see the movie with her (which is not a problem at all, since they can go together another time and she could see the movie twice). Beside the fact that I don't think that Sex and the City is something that men can be crazy for since they don't come out very well in the serial, this is not actually my problem.
My problem starts when my best friend threatens me saying or you come with both of us to watch it or you go alone. I don't think I ask her too much and every time I tells her that I would like to do something with her since it would make me happy, he has always to come in the middle. When I asked her to spend my 30th birthday together, no, he had to make problems. The same for this time that I want to watch a movie just me and her. But I am not angry at him. I am disappointed at her, for which her boyfriend comes always before anything else. I guess I give a different value to friendship. If I know that I can do something to make someone who is important for me happy, I would try my best to do it. She could watch the movie twice, once with me and once with him. She could understand that it could be something I want to share just with her.
I guess I will go alone. As an Italian famous citation says "sometimes it is better to be alone, that in a bad company..."

Shoes

Lucca (Italy), afternoon

I just got a nice pair of shoes to wear with the dress that I bought for my sister's wedding. I have to admit that not only the shoes are nice, but also my feet look incredibly beautiful with those shoes. I am crazy about my feet, but to whatever person I say that I love my feet and I think that they are beautiful, I normally get a weird face back as a response. Today, instead I got my revenge. I should always wear high heel shoes (beside the fact that I am not able to walk with them), better sandals, that highlight my feet and my ankles. It was a nice feeling. I may not like too much the way I look, but for sure I am devoted to my feet! And with those shoes they look gorgeous!

Biking in Amsterdam

Lucca (Italy), morning

It is my blog's birthday. Not today maybe, but I started it in May last year.
This morning I was thinking about one of my experiences in Amsterdam. I got the feeling, living there, that mainly tourists bike downtown Amsterdam (I mean really downtown, in the core of the city). You can see lot of tourists with the rented bike trying to survive to the tram lines and to the crowd biking around.

I used my bike a lot to move around in Amsterdam, but I normally preferred to walk downtown. I brought my old bike to Amsterdam when I moved there. However, after a few weeks, one day, coming out from work, I found the bike completely destroyed and lot of pieces missing. I then fortunately had the chance to borrow another bike. Another weird bike.....to break instead of using the breaks near the handlebar, I needed to move the pedals back...and then the bike would stop immediately. I have to admit that at first, that mechanism is not so obvious, especially when you bike in the rain and you also have an umbrella to hold. One day, while I was baking back from my pilates course, I biked on a bridge and I saw a Japanese tourist (not really practical with biking) coming right in my direction. I had a bit of speed got it going down to the bridge and to avoid him, my first impulse was to break with the breaks on the handlebar.....unfortunately my bike didn't have them, so I ran straight into that poor Japanese man, who looking really scared started to yell at me something (for sure not nice) in Japanese.

I have to say that after that experience I got much much better with breaking pedaling back.

My mum and Sex and the City

Lucca (Italy), night

Of course, the closer I am getting to the movie coming out, the more I want to re-watch old episodes of Sex and the City. My mum got curious to see them too, since I talk so much about it.

The first time she saw a few episodes of the first series, she didn't like them, she fall asleep and she said that the stories are annoying and there is nothing interesting about it. Obviously, I still liked them a lot, even if I already saw them a couple of times each. This evening we tried with a few other episodes and while I was getting more and more into the stories, she was pffffuing a lot and sounding annoyed. She gave up after one episode.

I have to admit that I felt bad in some way. Because she got such a negative feeling about it, that I would be curious to know what she thinks about me now. For a lot of people Sex and the City is all about sex and women doing sex and talking about it. Maybe my mum now thinks that I am obsessed with sex and I have something like a double life that she didn't even suspect (I got the feeling that my family thinks that I am not really interested to that subject). For me Sex and the City is not about that. It is about a strong friendship among four different women above all. The kind of friendship that I dream of and that I would have need it during my break up with the olandesino. A friend who doesn't judge you and has the capacity to listen to you, even if you are a broken record. And after the friendship, even if the stories are exaggerated, they face the same problems that a lot of women face, the same insecurities. I don't know, but I can find a bit of myself in Miranda (the cynicism), a bit in Carrie (the feeling so insecure, the desire to hope and being afraid of hoping), maybe even a bit in Samantha (in being so afraid of relationships too)...not really in Charlotte. But anyway, I am sure that it is the same for a lot of other women....

But it was not such a good idea of watching it with my mum...I felt kind of judged, even if obviously she didn't say anything...I guess I will keep watching the old episodes left on my own.

Here and there

Italy, lunch time

I just watched again the trailer of the movie Sex and the City. I am so looking forward to that! I can bet I am going to cry. I would have liked to watch it in English in the USA. But I can't make it to the USA any soon. So, I will have to watch it in Italian. Better than nothing....and then when it will come out in DVD, I will watch it again.
Friday it will come out the new movie of Indiana Jones. I definitively want to watch that too. Especially since part of it has been played in New Haven.

I started to prepare the suitcases for my new life in France. I have to admit that I don't feel too motivated. Maybe because I hoped to be done with some past work before to move to France....well, whatever, we will see....The most important thing is to have my books with me....and the computer...and there, to get an internet connection to be in touch with the rest of the world.

Here, it keeps raining and it is so long that I don't go running.
I am listening to a song of the Metallica. A nice one. Sanitarium.

I really need to get an apartment on my own in France, especially since I already know that I will be there for longer than a year. I just like too much to live alone. Having my spaces, even if little. My freedom. We will see what I can get. I don't want to have to buy furniture....so I should look for a studio already furnished. Will I find that?

I have the book I am studying opened in front of me. I read just a few lines...and that's it.....I am a disaster....too many things to do....

are they going to marry?

Lucca (Italy), evening

I was in the car with my mum and she asked me what do I like so much of Sex and the City (she never saw it, not even a short fragment of a small episode). So, I told her that I like the friendship between the four girls above anything else. I enjoy the stories, their different life style, the fact that in something I can find myself. I just like it a lot. I am definitively addicted to it.

I had to make a sort of summary of what happened in all the six seasons to my mum, since she would like to see the movie, since now she is curious. Beside the fact that I am not sure if Big and Carrie will never marry, beside the fact that as long as they are happy together I don't think it changes so much if they marry or not (also marriage to Big doesn't seem to mean too much), I have to say that while I was telling her of all the troubles that Big and Carrie had till to finally get together again in the last episode of the last season (and Big being convinced of strongly wanting Carrie), I had a lump in my throat and a broken voice. The thing is that exactly when I lived in Amsterdam, where I started to watch Sex and the City for the first time, I also started to have problems with the olandesino. So, in some way I felt if my ups and downs with the olandesino were running in parallel with the ups and downs of Carrie and Big. And this even if I don't wear Manolo Blahnik shoes. Telling to my mum all the troubles that they had before to be happily together made me thinking about my own troubles again and about how many times I saw some episode of Sex and the City crying.

In any case, I am really looking forward to the movie and I hope to be able to watch it at least in Italian (I would have loved to watch it in English) at the end of May, since I don't think I could deal with this movie in French....

today

Lucca (Italy), afternoon

I am so nervous today...really, really nervous and the fact that it is raining and it is saturday and I have to stay inside to get something done (all for work), doesn't improve the way I feel.....

Bah

Lucca (Italy), afternoon


I am getting every day more and more stressed about my departure. The grant I got from the French Government to spend 4 additional months is Montpellier is giving me one problem after the other, so I am not sure if I will accept that at the end (even if officially I already sent a fax to accept it, so I hope that this will be not a further problem).

Beside this, I am really, really nervous today. I know exactly what I want, what I need and what it would make me happy, but not everything goes the way I want, especially when it is not depending on me...and this feeling of not being able to drive things and situations in the direction I want, makes me frustrated and nervous. Incredibly nervous.

I will survive

Lucca (Italy), night

I just switched on the tv and I saw the new commercial of the FIAT cars. And the song used for that commercial is "I will survive" of G. Gaynor. I thought that that song should became my motto lately....

stomaco sottosopra

Lucca (Italy), morning

I just finished to speak French on the phone. This is a bit too much. French, Italian, English....I am so confused. Instead of saying quatre for 4, I said four to the guy who was on the phone with me. He understood anyway....but why at the French Embassy in Italy they don't put someone who speaks Italian very well? Anyway, I got another grant for Montpellier (I am not sure if I already wrote it here), so now I have to see if I can use it, since I also have the other one.

Anyway, this morning I woke up really agitated. It is like if I would like to solve my life in a blink of eye. One minute it is a mess, then next minute everything or most of the things are at the right place. Not easy, I know. But I would like that. So, since the possibility of solving thing is not even at the horizon, I feel agitate. Last night, before to go to bed, I also started to think that I like much more to live alone that with someone, so I can be master of my time and space....I am a bit nervous about living with another person. My last flatmate, the one in the USA before I moved to live alone, was a psycho, a total disaster......

Alcool

Italy, night

Troppo tardi per scrivere in inglese. Troppo stanca perfino per pensare in Italiano. Sono nel mio letto con il computer. Oggi ho ricevuto la notizia che ho vinto un'altra borsa di studio per la Francia. Non so se sia cumulabile con l'altra o se la potro' spostare a quando la prima finira'. Vedro'. Speriamo di non dovervi rinunciare. Sono abbastanza nervosa per questa nuova avventura. Non tanto per il posto, so gia' che mi piacera'. Quanto per tutte le cose nuove che vado la' ad imparare e per il fatto che ultimamente il mio cervello sembra atrofizzato. Penso di aver consumato i miei neuroni a forza di pensare a come poter sbloccare la mia situazione sentimentale per avere l'happy end. Happy end che non e' arrivato e che non si prospetta neanche all'orizzonte. In piu' per i due mesi condividero' la casa in cui vivro' con un'altra persona. Sono troppo indipendente ed amante dei miei spazi per voler vivere con qualcuno che non sia chi scelgo io. Ma all'inizio questa e' la situazione migliore. Spero di trovare delle persone gentili e disponibili al lavoro, di farmi nuovi amici e di trovare un posto carino dove vivere.

Ma non era di questo che volevo scrivere. Ho visto per circa una mezz'ora un programma su MTV. Mi piace guardare MTV la sera sul tardi perche' spesso danno programmi in inglese e mi piace sentire parlare inglese, mi mantiene in allenamento. Il mio inglese sta peggiorando sensibilmente. Comunque. Il programma trattava di due ragazze con problemi di alcool. A parte il disgusto e la pena di vedere due ragazze giovani buttare la loro vita cosi', la cosa che mi ha colpito di piu' e' stato il loro senso di impotenza. E mi ci sono ritrovata. Non per l'alcool. Sono completamente astemia. Ma il senso di impotenza lo provi ogni qualvolta hai una dipendenza, che sia dall'alcool, dal fumo o da una persona. E le dipendenze di solito non fanno bene a chi le prova, anzi, tendono a distruggere. Mi chiedo perche' non esiste una cosa tipo la Alcolisti Anonimi anche per le persone che hanno altri tipi di dipendenze. Magari una Innamorati Anonimi. Un posto dove tutti quelli con il cuore infranto, quelli che dopo mesi o anni non riescono ad andare avanti ed ancora se ne stanno li' a fissare un telefono che non suona potrebbero ritrovarsi. Io ci andrei, se non altro per non provare piu' quella sensazione di disco rotto a forza di parlarne a ruota sempre con quelle due o tre persone. Sarebbe bello sapere che non sono l'unica, che non tutti riescono a sostituire un papa con un altro, e che non solo io ho dei tempi geologici per riprendermi. Quasi due anni. Due anni fa ero un'altra persona. Due anni fa la mia vita era diversa. Migliore per certi aspetti, peggiore per altri. Ma tantissimo e' cambiato in questi ultimi due anni. Tantissimo tranne la mia situazione sentimentale, tranne il mio essere innamorata della stessa persona anche se sono mesi ed ormai anni che non riusciamo ad avere molto piu' che attimi e ricordi e tante, tante discussioni e conversazioni su skype. E due anni quasi che la crisi e' iniziata e non stiamo piu' insieme. E sei che ci conosciamo e sei anni di ricordi che non se ne vogliono andare neanche per un minuto dalla mia testa. Voglio un'associazione anonima anche io dove rifiugiarmi a sfogare tutte le mie pene per uscire da questa dipendenza.

cuore infranto

Italy, afternoon

Sto facendo un lavoro assurdo. Inutile dire che e' una cosa pallosissima e che non mi da' alcuna soddisfazione. Cosi' mentre faccio questa cosa meccanicamente non riesco a fare a meno di chiedermi quanto tempo ci vuole a rimettere insieme i pezzi di un cuore infranto. Il mio e' a pezzi da due anni quasi ed ancora non accenna a riprendersi........................
Non e' che esiste una qualche pozione magica che mi sono persa?

Comfortably numb

Italy, night

Ho sempre pensato che questo titolo di una canzone dei Pink Floyd fosse bellissimo. Piacevolmente insensibile. Non deve essere una brutta sensazione da provare. Per un po' si intende, non per sempre. Giusto come un angolino in cui rifugiarsi quando uno ne ha la necessita'. Comunque ora sto ascoltando i The Cure, che mi sembrano ideali per il mio stato d'animo e per scrivere. L'olandesino mi ha sempre detto che secondo lui i The Cure hanno una bellissima musica, che si sposa bene con uno stato d'animo depresso. Secondo me si sposa bene per riflettere in pace. Non deve necessariamente essere perche' uno e' depresso.

Accidenti! mi ero messa una crema sulla faccia e mi sono scordata di lasciarla in posa solo 10 minuti. Meglio che me la vada a togliere prima che mi ritrovi con la faccia magari piena di bolle....
Salto di palo in frasca. Altra bellissima canzone (con titolo calzante a pennello con i miei pensieri odierni) "what is it about men" di Amy Winehouse. E ora Black dei Pearl Jam.

Comunque, ho voglia di mettermi a leggere un libro adesso prima di dormire. Ho a mano "Viaggio al termine della notte", che e' un libro scritto benissimo. Ma non mi va con questo animo stasera. Mi va qualcosa di leggero, qualcosa che quando lo dico a V. mi ride dietro per come possa leggere o amare cose tanto "leggere". Semplice, mi rilassano. Incredibilmente. A volte ho proprio bisogno di cose da leggere o vedere che senza pretese portino via la mia mente, senza che mi debba concentrare, senza che i miei neuroni si debbano sforzare per capirne il significato intrinseco. Qualcosa che come io possa assorbire un'ebete e che mi porti via, che mi faccia sognare ad occhi aperti. Come succede per esempio ogni volta che vedo "Flashdance" o quando vedo Sex and the City o quando sfoglio un giornale con tutti i trucchi per liberarmi della cellulite (il Grande Fratello pero', quello proprio non lo riesco a vedere). Qualcosa che per un'attimo, un'ora o un giorno mi metta di buon umore. Come una canzone che ho trovato (o meglio che l'olandesino mi ha dato) su un quartiere di Amsterdam che adoro, lo Jordaan. E' una canzone tipo popolare, ma cosi' allegra, che non posso fare a meno di sorridere ed aver voglia di saltellare senza senso ogni volta che la sento. Si intitola Bij Ons in de Jordaan.
Quindi mi sa che invece di mettermi a leggere il libro di Celine, stasera iniziero' l'ultimo libro della Kinsella (anche se la sua serie di I love shopping e seguito mi e' sembrato un po' noiosa).

Visto il titolo, ci sta questo link

Questo e' il testo della canzone

Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear you 're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what you 're saying.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick.
There 'll be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
That ll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what you 're saying.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

[e qui c'e' la schitarrata da paura!]

The body shop in Montpellier

Lucca (Italy), morning

Good news! It seems that there is one shop of the body shop in Montpellier!!!

It should be in the Centre Commercial Le Polygone

man from whom to expect nothing

Lucca (Italy), night

While I wait for the movie of Sex and the City, I also keep watching romantic comedies. Tonight I saw one of them. And I ended up crying. This evening I also had a nice talk with a friend (I hope I didn't sound too cynical in what I said).

I start to realize something. When you are used to receive nothing or little or something nice but not on a stable base, whatever thing you get is a present and it is a great thing, a sign of love. When you are used to someone who doesn't send you nice sms or nice emails with words of love, the day he sends you one, you just get so happy that you feel like he asked you to live together. Because when you are with a man from whom to expect nothing, whatever nice thing you receive, you feel like you probably did something extremely special to deserve it. Like if all the days and nights waiting for a nice sms from him or a word, hoping that he will open his eyes and realize how important you are in his life, made the miracle happening. He wrote you something nice. Even better, he said something nice. Even more, he said I love you. And then you start to think that if someone like him, someone who is so emotionally unstable arrives to the point of doing something nice and showing some love...then he really has to mean it. Otherwise why to break a standard of nothingness or littleness? And that small thing is enough to start to dream about an happy future together, is enough to start to think that it can be the right moment, the moment in which things will change and they will change for better.

If I became cynical and I have problem to see love even when it is in front of my face, it is because too often after these moments, a pattern of discontinuity started again. A pattern in which you are pushed away and then pulled close, depending on the mood. And I am someone who is naturally afraid of commitment (thing this that is just getting worst and worst), but I dream of the day in which I will finally invest on a person who shows me that I have no reason to be afraid, because he is there and he wants to be there today and tomorrow.

And I realized another thing. When you, a woman, grow up with a father who is absent, who gives you nothing, who makes you feel always inadequate, who makes you feel you have to do something special to deserve his love, then you will accept whatever sign of love as a present, especially if it comes from someone for whom you are in love too. You feel you don't deserve it. And this is why I know a lot of women who keep loving men who give them little or give them no stability or commitment. All these women feel they don't deserve them, they don't deserve their commitment.

I end this blog saying that I am one of these women. No matter how old I am, I still put myself in situations in which I can spend nights waiting for a call, staring at the cellphone. And I know that I am not the only one. And it doesn't matter how great my life is, how good I am in my work or how much I achieved in other fields, I still feel I am not good enough to be loved the way I am, for long time and in a stable, constant (which doesn't need to be boring or a cage) way.

missing

Lucca (Italy), night

Another nice day at the beach. Incredibly nice day. I met people I have been at the primary, secondary and high school with and it was nice to see each other again after long time.

Sometimes it is amazing. I am doing something and then a memory pops up in my mind and that memory is often connected to a person and I miss that person incredibly a lot. Sometimes just a word or a smell are enough to bring memories back into my life and make me feel I miss that person incredibly a lot. And I feel a sense of emptiness in my belly and the feeling of missing that person became a pain.

Beach

Lucca (Italy), morning

After an incredibly stressful week, today (this afternoon more precisely), beach again!!!!!!!!! I am sea addicted. I am so happy that Montpellier is close to the sea, and especially on the Mediterranean sea. That is a good reason enough to wanting to stay there longer than a year.